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Saturday was our 12th anniversary.
I love this man more than I ever imagined possible. I'm comfortable with him in ways that surprise me. I feel safer with him then I expected. We really are the picture in the dictionary under the word compatible.
So don't be the least alarmed when I say that I hope this marking of our 12th anniversary ends the hardest year we have had in those twelve years. I have an imagination, so I can certainly think of how things could be worse, for one thing we could be on opposite sides of the battle, instead of fighting it shoulder to shoulder.
But nonetheless, its been a difficult one, and we are both ready to move into a better place. Ready to make number 13 our lucky number.
We had a nice weekend and we are celebrating more formally in a month when some of our problems are further along.
Happy Anniversary Baby, got you on my mind...
We have a babbling problem in our house. A sweet little eight year old opens his eyes and his mouth first thing in the morning and neither are shut again until after bedtime. I'm a person who appreciates peace and quiet and I married a guy who feels the same. (Married him 12 years ago yesterday by the way, but we are pretending is in a month so that we can celebrate better, rough times right now...)
This morning was in no way different than any other. I awoke at 7:30am to hear him already chattering away in his room (alone) and as soon as I emerged he flew to me like a bottle fly and started buzzing around me. I can't tell you the first part of his monologue, because my brain wasn't awake yet. I can tell you I hadn't been up 5 minutes when he asked, "Can you make me breakfast?" "Yes" was my response. A minute later he asked, "When will you make my breakfast?" and I immediately responded, "I will make you pancakes in a little bit" His little bit being 15 seconds later he queried, "Are you making my breakfast yet? I like cereal!" I countered with "I am making you pancakes, but not yet"
Within half an hour of waking up I was in the kitchen making pancakes and listening to my morning Daily Audio Bible installment (I'm behind so I'm only in mid Feb right now) The reading was in Exodus, the ignoble account of how the people behaved when Moses went up to the mountain to talk to God. Hate that account. Perhaps it rings too true for me.
Anyway, WHILE I was making the pancakes the chatter about the pancakes continued...would I use the strawberry syrup, was that the good pancake recipe that was the best ever, how many can I have...
Think harshly of me if you will, but I sent him to his room. Its so much better than child abuse!
In the relative peace that ensued (I could still hear him talking in his room) something occurred to me.
Matthew 6:7 "And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard for their many words"
God is my Father. And when I, His child talk to him I think sometimes, maybe even often, there is alot of chatter. Perhaps because when God says yes to me His timing feels different than what I desire. Perhaps because I can't hear His answer because I'm chattering. Perhaps because I just like to hear the sound of my voice. Or perhaps because like the pagans, and for some reason like my son, I think that I "will be better heard for my many words."
I wonder if God ever wants to send me to my room.
A few weeks ago a friend prayed that I receive healing from my past, which she saw was holding me back. Almost unconsciously I've been since seeking my past, searching for the shreds of the wound that never healed. One of the pasts I found was a friend named Judith. On her blog in August last year she commented on her feelings after the 35W bridge collapse. She talked of the many things in our life that we take for granted, that we have faith will be there to hold up the pieces of our life. I mean who ever prayed "Dear Lord, please keep all bridges I cross today standing" ?
Andrew was always going to get those pancakes. He knows this from over eight years of consistently getting fed (or being sent to make his own breakfast!) that he will get what he needs. And yet he babbles.
I know that God will provide. Mainly because the Holy Spirit infuses me with a faith that I as a mere mortal could not whomp up on my own. Partially because I can bear witness to the many times God has provided for and protected me, all ill deserved. And also because of the promises recorded in the Bible, such as
Matthew 7:7-11 Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. For what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!"
And yet sometimes I still babble.
So when I wrote that odd post last night, which caused my best friend to wonder what was up and the man in question to fear for a stalker, I had something else on my mind. (and I'm off to edit it to make more sense now, so if it makes sense now, that is why!)
So this is what I had on my mind...
Turns out this guy:
yeah, the guy, not the blonde beauty, is joining the National Guard as we speak. He'll stay overnight tonight at their recruitment hotel headquarters and tomorrow will go through a battery of tests to determine if he is fit to join. I asked all the questions you are thinking right now and he had few answers. I'm sure after this weekend he'll be in a better place to answer them. So yeah, my 21 year old son is joining the army. And I just don't know what to think. I want to support him in his decisions. I know he has struggled to find his way as an adult in this world. I know God will take care of him no matter what. But...well...I've had a little too much experience with the ANG to be excited for him. So, I'm a bit muddled. Be patient with me, I'll bounce back soon I'm sure. (and yes, that cute girl is my daughter, she uploaded some new pictures from last fall to my computer recently!)
This is Paco. Or that is his nickname, I won't post his real name, because I don't know how he'd feel about being featured on the blog of someone he hasn't seen in decades. This is a dude from my back in the day. When I was in my teens, regardless of the one I was with, this was who I was pondering. When I was old enough to be kissed, even by Sound of Music standards, he finally noticed me. My senior prom: he was my date.
Here he is the way he looked the last time I saw him in person:
It was shortly before nour lives that we were so sure would rejoin after college went in separate ways forever. I thought at the time, and I have always believed that he was an important chapter of my life. And yet. And yet I only have two photos of him in my thousands. It got me thinking about how careless I was with my memories when I was a teen. I had so many amazing experiences from the ages of 14-19 and I have only a handful of photos, most of which don't document what I was up to.
I think it was because nobody was supposed to move on, our lives werent' supposed to head in different directions, so why worry that I didn't have many photos? I'd just get them from someone else in the gang if I needed them later, right?
And now they are all gone on to their own lives. I don't keep up with any of them and these few photos are all I have of a time of my life that was filled with change and adventure.
But back to Paco. Last time we talked via email he had no children, and I had two. He had just accepted his first major teaching position and I had just purchased a home with Scott. Now we both apparently have sons, he's finished the job he'd just gotten and moved on to Chicago, back in the center of the country for the first time in decades. We've sold our house and the job I had is long over. I'm not sure if he'll email me back or not, of course I know nothing of what he is like as an adult and whether these random connections out of nowhere from old friends will amuse him or annoy him.
A fun advantage of the internet though, to be able to touch base from time to time with the past, especially for people like me who consider our history important now, even though we weren't good guardians of it back then.
seriously, never did I think I'd be teaching my son how to use a dial phone. sure sign that the times have changed. He was fascinated.
This weekend is a big bash for www.tallyscrapper.com! Its their one year anniversary this weekend and lots of fun is planned. I am gonna be hanging out there on and off all weekend and digging into all the great challenges!
Hopefully by the time the weekend is over we'll have some new members and a big party hangover!
Come and see what's going on!
A little dented a little scraped, but all still works and the number is reactivated. So if you want to ringy ding me, I'm ready...
